Journal, Introduction

There are times when I am not able to write this blog. I am in an emotional cage. I feel anger and sadness caused not by Robert, but by the people who are by definition, by their job description obligated to, one way or another, care for him. I keep mostly silent on those issues, which unfortunately are almost constant occurrences. Only rarely, I write a post that addresses the painful experiences. Those are very hard posts to write. I don’t want to admit even to myself that so many people treat Robert much worse than they would treat a “typical” person.
The fact that Robert is home, without a program that would accept him is exactly the result of those people cutting corners, ignoring, not knowing and not learning, disliking him, not believing in education, not wanting to provide what was necessary.
Robert is at home, second week now.
I had a scheduled visit into a new program tomorrow, but this morning it was postponed indefinitely. I emotionally collapsed after I received a phone about it. I finished working with Robert and for a few hours couldn’t pull myself together.
To prevent another collapse, I will record everything as it happens. I won’t keep silent when Robert is neglected, gossiped about, treated unfairly.
I will write everyday about our search for place for Robert. I will also go back to the past, to bring those events that still play negative or positive role in Robert’s life.
I will plan every day trying to brace myself for another meltdown.
Today, I didn’t plan the day, as I wanted to take it easy in preparation for tomorrow’s visit. So when the phone came canceling it, I felt I was loosing ground under my feet. Had I planned that day before, i would pull myself together.
So here is my plan for tomorrow:
1. Science Museum with Omni movie about human body.
2. Continue study with Robert.
3. Introducing exercising as a part of every day routine to Robert. He gained 20 pounds since the beginning of the school year (many,many snacks offered by the school, chips, chips and more chips)
4. Swimming Pool and yes take out from Outback for dinner for Robert. Even children menu offers too many calories, but I don’t want to change too many things at once.

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