For the Record

January 1, 2015

In the last couple months, I have not been writing much.  The truth is, I have to force myself to write. It has been much more difficult for me to untangle the knot of everyday small events to make a chain of clear, singular topics.  I feel unable to choose what to write about and what lesson  I, or anyone else, can deduce from singular episodes. The events that describe my, our, struggles and failures mix with episodes  that show  progress. But the progress is evasive and struggles are as easily forgotten as bad dreams in a daylight.   I don’t even know from which angle I should present our ups and downs. Moreover, I am not sure if ups are ups or downs are downs.  It all depends  on causes and effects.  Those, however, still remain murky as Robert never explains himself.

1. I made an apple pie and baked one sheet of  cookies.  I was afraid that if I baked too many cookies, Robert would eat them all. So I left a pound of dough for the next day. The dough disappeared.  Completely! Between 4PM and 11AM of the next day, it evaporated. Robert ate it.  I don’t know when. I don’t know how he managed to take a ball of dough and consume it. Nobody noticed anything. I was in the kitchen most of the day.  I didn’t see Robert around the refrigerator even once. It is not funny.  Next day, he was extremely cranky and angry.  I knew his stomach hurt.  But then, he said nothing.  So maybe there was another reason.

2. I wasn’t sure if I made a right decision in November when despite Robert protests, I refused to replace the bed sheet I gave to our guests with another one. Yes, it would be the easiest way to calm Robert who kept  insisting (INSISTING!) every 10 or 15 minutes that I take back the blue sheet and give the guests a white one.  In his mind, the blue sheet was supposed to be only for my bed while the white one was for anybody.  There is not hiding the fact that Robert’s  obsessive protests tainted the visit.  I explained to our guests the problem and the reason I felt I shouldn’t give up.  They understood and were supportive.  But I wasn’t really sure if I made a correct decision.  Two weeks later,  the sheet was torn apart in the laundry.  I had to throw it away together with another one.  I cut both of them  into smaller rags. Robert didn’t mind.  He put them in a plastic container with other rags to be used for cleaning. Another week later, Robert didn’t mind that we replaced old mattress with a new one. HUGE!  I am sure, that had I not withheld Robert’s protests in regards to the blue sheet, the both events would cause much more dramatic reactions.

3. With Robert’s sister and grandmother visiting, I had much less time to spend with Robert. The good thing was that Amanda, Jan, and Grandma kept him at least partially occupied. He went skiing to Vermont.  He went for walks.  He went to movies.  Still, I felt Robert was neglected. Maybe that is why during one boring afternoon, he ate the dough.  Not good.  Maybe that is why he found his  IPAD to be appealing again and watched Scrooge in three different adaptations of Christmas Carol. Not bad.

4. Today, I presented Robert with two workbooks bought by his sister. One about counting money, one about telling time.  The first ten or more pages were very easy.  Almost mechanical, but not exactly.  The workbook on time progressed in almost miniscule steps. Robert could work by himself for almost an hour. Huge.

5.  We all had champagne in our glasses.  Robert had too.  With a strike of midnight, each of us took a sip.  Robert too.  Then, he ran to the sink and  spit it out. Oh well.



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