Against Disarray

October 13, 2015

The last few weeks have been pretty chaotic.  That means I was not able to make sense of hundreds of small and large events. Doubts, fears, and shaky hopes for Robert’s future resulted in litany of questions and only very few answers.

What am I doing wrong?

What are the things that might be most useful for Robert in the future?  Can I still teach them? Is it too late?

How to prepare Robert for being with other people?

What caused Robert to behave this way ?

Could I prepare Robert  to handle similar situation better?

Can I help him avoid falling in similar traps in the future?

How to teach Robert what is friendship?

How to find friends FOR HIM?

How to help HIM find friends?

How to help him make right decisions?

Questions and more questions. Confusion mixed with anxiety and guilt.

But then there are two evening hours of clarity. Two hours when Robert and I study together and everything seems to return to the right places. It is not about grasping concept of positive and negative numbers.  It is not about  classifying organs by their systems.  It is not about reading maps or stories. It is learning about each other that is the most important part of our daily lessons. When we study together I  know what Robert is thinking and he knows what is in my mind.  With Robert’s difficulties expressing himself, the daily study hour is the time when we are understanding each other best.

Still, the next morning all the questions return with the same intensity and the same urgency.

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