Reasons for not Writing

It has been very hard to write about Robert lately.  I don’t know why.  I might speculate.

Maybe it is  because I don’t know how our hours of learning  translate into more successful life for Robert.  The knowledge and skills that he seems to be gaining are not applicable to his current life .  They don’t change into better communication, or any job skills. They don’t lead to independence in choosing how to occupy himself at home. Still, I believe that one day he suddenly connects our study hours with world around him and will be able to function better.  But then if he is surrounded by people who don’t understand him, his knowledge might backfire as a rage caused by confusion and lack of ability to channel his feelings and his own understanding of facts into coherent messages.

Maybe it is because there are no significant break through to celebrate.  Robert is following rather linear pattern now.  He is practicing the skills he was exposed to before.  Sometimes, he still needs support, sometimes he needs reminder, but the concepts are not new.  The truth is I don’t introduce new ideas to him any more.  Again,  I don’t know why.

Moreover the mixture of the very difficult days, calm days, and wonderful days left me on a rollercoaster unable to adjust to quickly changing circumstances and incapable of writing about them.

It is possible that I feel guilty about not finding or developing more suitable curricula for Robert.  I seem to be stack in one mode of teaching no matter what are the subjects.   It is mostly learning at the desk.  Although I use varied materials, they are all coming from workbooks. I feel guilty because I know I should develop a program that would tell Robert what is his place in space, where he is on the time curve, what are his relations with people, and finally, what he is himself.

I don’t work on such curriculum because I am not sure where, when and what I am myself.



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